The British Journal of Psychiatry (2008) 193: 435-437. doi: 10.1192/bjp.bp.108.053157
© 2008 The Royal College of Psychiatrists
Grief and acceptance as opposite sides of the same coin: setting a research agenda to study peaceful acceptance of loss
Holly G. Prigerson, PhD
Department of Psychiatry, Brigham and Womens Hospital; Center for
Psycho-Oncology and Palliative Care Research, Dana Farber Cancer Institute;
and Harvard Medical School Center for Palliative Care, Boston,
Massachusetts
Paul K. Maciejewski, PhD
Center for Psycho-Oncology and Palliative Care Research, Dana Farber
Cancer Institute, Boston, Massachusetts, and Department of Psychiatry and
Womens Health Research, Yale University School of Medicine, New Haven,
Connecticut, USA
Correspondence:
Dr Holly G. Prigerson, Center for Psycho-oncology and Palliative Care
Research, Suite 530, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, 44 Binney Street, Boston MA
02115, USA.
Email:holly_prigerson{at}dfci.harvard.edu
Declaration of interest
None.
Holly G. Prigerson (pictured) is Director of Psycho-oncology and Palliative
Care at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, Boston, and Associate Professor of
Psychiatry, Brigham and Womens Hospital, Harvard Medical School,
Cambridge, Massachusetts. Paul K. Maciejewski is Director of Statistics,
Womens Health Research, and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and
member of the Magnetic Resonance Research Center, Yale University School of
Medicine, Newhaven, Connecticut, USA.

ABSTRACT
Reflections on results of a recent study suggest that stages
of grief might
more accurately be described as states of grief.
Resolution of grief coincides
with increasing acceptance of
loss. Research indicating how grief resolution
promotes acceptance
may prove clinically useful in easing emotional pain
associated
with loss.

INTRODUCTION
Finally, we may achieve peace... by facing and accepting the reality of our
own death.1
The stage theory of grief has survived decades despite limited and only
recent empirical
support,2 and
commentaries still attempting to discredit
it.3,4
Notions of stages of grief for dying
patients1 and for
bereaved
survivors2,5–8
live on in popular
culture,9,10
remain taught in medical
schools,11 and
continue to be cited by health authorities as established
fact.12 What might
explain the sustained, widespread and uncritical endorsement of the stage
theory of grief? From a human interest perspective, it may reflect a desire to
make sense of how the mind comes to accept events and circumstances that it
finds wholly unacceptable. Answers to the question of whether or not
discernible patterns emerge in psychological reactions to loss may reveal
normative bereavement responses and identify processes necessary for promoting
positive adjustment to the loss. From a clinical perspective, knowledge of how
people grapple with objectionable realities such as their own or a close
others death could inform interventions designed to ameliorate
loss-related distress.
Results from our
study,2 together
with enduring popular and scientific interest in the topic, suggest that it
may be time to reevaluate stage theories of grief and consider their potential
clinical utility.

States, not stages, of grief
Stage theories posit that grief, whether among terminally ill
individuals
or bereaved survivors, progresses through a sequence
of distinct psychological
phases. Kubler-Ross
1
describes each
stage as a discrete phase of grief that is separate from, if
not conditioned on the resolution of, prior grief stages. During
each
stages period of ascendance, it is expected to
prevail over the other
stages. We found
2
that this may not
necessarily be the case for the typical bereaved survivor.
Yearning
was found to be the predominant distressing sentiment
throughout the acute bereavement period (i.e. our 1–23 months
post-loss
observation period). Less frequently experienced reactions such
as
disbelief, anger and sadness declined on average over time
from loss. When
each grief indicator was rescaled to enable
a comparison of peaks, all peaked
within 6 months post-loss
and in the exact sequence proposed by
Bowlby
5 and
Parkes,
6 and
illustrated by
Jacobs.
7 All of
these grief indicators
were highly correlated with one another, which is
understandable
given that three of the four grief stage indicators were
extracted
from an internally consistent grief
inventory.
8,13
These findings
suggest that disbelief, yearning, anger and sadness may
represent
aspects of a single underlying psychological construct –
grief.

As grief decreases, acceptance increases
Figure 1 plots the average
of each of the four negative grief
indicators, and the combined average of all
four indicators
(i.e. the grief curve). After about 4 months,
the constellation of grief indicators declines through 23 months,
with
parallel shifts downward in all four curves. Importantly,
as grief falls,
acceptance of the loss rises, suggesting that
grief and acceptance may be
opposite sides of the same coin.
Grief and its associated features may largely
reflect an emotional
inability to accept the loss of something cherished. At
its
core, grief may be the state of emotional unrest and frustration
associated with wanting what one cannot have. Acceptance, by
contrast, may
represent emotional equanimity – a sense
of inner peace and tranquillity
that comes with the letting
go of a struggle to regain what is lost or being
taken away.

Peaceful acceptance as a goal for those confronting loss
We recognise that some individuals will neither want nor have
the capacity
to accept loss peacefully. We are not suggesting
that all dying patients or
bereaved survivors be implored to
confront death with peace and equanimity,
nor that complete
death acceptance is a realistic goal. What we are suggesting
is that enhanced degrees of acceptance, and reduced grief,
appear associated
with less suffering, implying that there
may be benefits to promoting
acceptance.

Normal grief and prolonged grief disorder
By contrast, intense, prolonged grief has been
shown
8,13–16
to constitute a clinically significant behavioral
or psychological
syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual
and that is associated with
present distress or disability
– meeting the
(DSM–IV)
17
definition of a mental
disorder.
Specifically, criteria for prolonged grief
disorder16 require
bereaved individuals to have severe levels of yearning, and five of the
following nine symptoms for
6 months post-loss: disbelief and bitterness
over the loss, confusion about ones identity, an inability to trust
others, numbness (absence of emotion) and feeling that life is empty and
meaningless since the loss, difficulty accepting the loss and moving on with
life (e.g. making new friends, pursuing interests), and feeling stunned by the
loss. Individuals who meet criteria for prolonged grief disorder have been
shown to be at heightened risk for present and future major depressive
disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and generalised anxiety disorder,
suicidal ideation, functional disability and diminished quality of life
relative to individuals who do not meet criteria for prolonged grief
disorder.16 Thus,
just as acceptance is associated with less distress, an inability to resolve
grief over time, as in the case of prolonged grief disorder, is associated
with more distress and dysfunction, making it a worthwhile target for
psychotherapeutic intervention.

Cognitive and emotional acceptance: clinical and public heath significance
Results from our research on patients with cancer confronting
terminal
illness indicate that cognitive and emotional acceptance
are distinct but
related
phenomena.
18,19
By cognitive acceptance,
we mean the dying patients understanding or
recognition
that their illness is terminal (defined as a life expectancy
of
<6 months). Cognitive acceptance is associated with patients
reports
of having a discussion of end-of-life treatment preferences
with their
physician, suggesting that clinicians may be able
to influence cognitive
acceptance.
19–21
It is also related
to higher rates of do not resuscitate order
completion
and with the prediction of greater use of palliative care
services.
19–21
In cross-sectional analysis, patients who had cognitively
accepted their
terminal illness had more difficulty emotionally
accepting it than those who
had not achieved cognitive acceptance.
The acceptance to which
Kubler-Ross1 refers
is essentially a state of emotional acceptance of impending death. We
developed the Peace, Equanimity, and Acceptance in the Cancer Experience
(PEACE)18 scale to
measure the patients emotional acceptance of their life-threatening
illness. This is a 12-item questionnaire assessing the patients sense
of acceptance, calmness and peace, as well as their sense of struggle or
desperation about their illness. We found that bereaved individuals who
reported that they had known of the patients terminal illness >6
months prior to the death had significantly higher levels of emotional
acceptance in
bereavement.2 Unlike
cognitive acceptance, emotional acceptance of a terminal prognosis was
associated with concurrent feelings of being less terrified and more
supported.18
Patients with cancer who were peacefully aware (cognitively and
emotionally accepting) were more likely to engage in advance care-planning,
had better mental and physical health in the last week of life, and their
surviving relatives had significantly better quality of life 6 months after
their death.19

An agenda for future research
Longitudinal data with multiple assessments prior to death for
dying
patients and their caregivers and, following death, for
bereaved individuals
are needed to plot the course of grief.
In principle, analysis of longitudinal
data could determine
whether the course of grief is better characterised in
terms
of stages or states, and whether each stage or state must become
fully
expressed before moving on to the next stage or state.
Alternatively, such
data could determine that the course of
grief is more accurately characterised
in terms of co-occurring
symptoms of grief that evolve in concert rather than
in terms
of either stages or states.
Longitudinal studies could clarify the way in which grief resolution
relates to acceptance of dying and death, and whether grief relates
differentially to cognitive as compared with emotional acceptance. Within the
individualistic psychology of
Kubler-Ross,1 future
research could determine how personality traits (e.g.
Eriksons22
ego-integrity) influence acceptance. Social psychological studies might
explore the ways in which physicians and other healthcare providers influence
the patients acceptance of impending death and surviving family
members bereavement adjustment. Preliminary work has shown that
cognitive and emotional acceptance relate cross-sectionally to advance
care-planning, preferences regarding aggressiveness of end-stage cancer care,
and predict use of aggressive and palliative care and quality of life near
death.18–21
A thorough analysis of the outcomes of acceptance – both positive
(better psychosocial functioning, less symptom burden) and negative (premature
abandonment of treatment that prolongs life) – is needed before
acceptance can be recommended as a goal of terminal illness and
after (bereavement) care.

Conclusions
Studies demonstrating how the mind comes to comprehend, cope
with and
accept death address core psychological issues that
need to be better
understood before they can inform interventions
to promote adjustment. Rather
than distinct, sequential stages
of grief, it may be more accurate to
conceptualise proposed
stages as multidimensional grief states that evolve and
diminish
in intensity over time. Decline in grief-related distress appears
to
correspond with an increase in peaceful acceptance of loss.
This suggests a
need for studies to advance understanding of
how the resolution of grief may
facilitate acceptance. The
potentially therapeutic role of clinicians and
family members
in advancing acceptance should be examined and inform
interventions
to promote the mental health of those confronting death.
Research
that determines ways to promote peaceful acceptance offers the
promise of offsetting the pain and misery frequently associated
with dying and
death.

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Received for publication March 29, 2008.
Revision received March 29, 2008.
Accepted for publication March 29, 2008.
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